One of the biggest hurdles children have to face at bedtime is the impending separation from you. They know that when they go into their bed, it will be a long time before they see you again and this separation causes big feelings in little ones.

Signs That Your Child is Experiencing Separation Anxiety at Bedtime:

• Bedtime resistance

• Crying/tantrums at bedtime or leading up to bedtime

• Avoidance at bedtime-hiding or running away

• Hyperactivity (this can also be the sign of an overtired child)

• Asking for a million things (“one more story”)

• Crying that starts when your child enters their bedroom

• Crying when you leave the room

• Night-wakings and needing your presence to fall back to sleep

What Can You Do to Help Them Through Their Fears of Separation?

1. Play, play, play!!!

Play is how babies and children learn about and interact with the world around them.  Play fosters healthy attachment and connection and usually elicits giggles and peals of laughter, which releases stress and tension.

Games for Babies:

• Peek-a-boo: Babies love seeing you disappear and quickly re-appear right before their eyes. They learn that just because you are out of sight, doesn’t mean that you are gone forever.

• Hiding toys: Use a blanket to hide a toy or pop it under a chair and say “Oh, where did it go?!”, pull off the blanket and say “There it is!”.

Games for Toddlers:

• Hide and Seek: A good old game of hide and seek is so fun for kids.  It shows them “I love you and want to find you” and can produce lots of giggles, especially if you end with a fun chase around the house.

• Role Reversal Games: Have your child pretend to be the parent and put YOU to sleep.  You can resist going to bed by popping back up every time they go to leave or by saying “Noooo, don’t go mommy!”.  This is especially fun for kids because they get to be in a position of power AND it’s so funny to see mom or dad popping up and begging for attention.

2. Create Bedtime Rituals

Bedtime rituals and routines are important to help ease children into night-time separation.  The key is to take things slow and don’t rush it.  Consider your routine starting at dinner time, engage in some play and then do not be afraid to inject some silliness into all aspects of your nightly rituals.  This will help your child look forward to bedtime.

For a baby, this could be a small song or rhyme (this little piggy went to market) combined with soft, therapeutic touch.  For an older child, you may add an I Love Your Ritual, for example;

Speak softly and gently to your child and gently touch your way down to their toes and say “I love your eyes, good-night eyes, I love your little ears…goodnight ears… I love your hands, I love your knees, I love your feet…”

Your child will come to look forward to this calming nightly ritual and it will help them to enjoy and look forward to bedtime.

3. Use Separation-Bridging Tools

• Give your child an object to sleep with, such as a shirt that smells like you or a soft lovey.

• Give your child a photo that they can put beside their bed or use this soft photo album and remind them that you are always close by.

• Tie an invisible string between their bed and yours.

• Use essential oils and create a “love scent” to put on their pillow and on yours to remind them that you are always connected.

• Say “I’ll see you in my dreams”, “I am always close and check on you through the night” and “I can’t wait to snuggle with you in the morning”.

• Put a note or small object under their pillow once they have fallen asleep for them to find in the morning. Tell them you put it there when they were sleeping.

• Draw a heart on their hand and one on yours and say “my heart is always with yours”.  For more connection rituals check out this book 

I hope you have fun creating your own connection games and bedtime rituals with your child!